Thanks to all the prayer warriors out there who have lifted me up in prayer! I saw the C-Doc today for my post PET-Scan review. I hoped to hear “you are good to go, healed, proceed with life”. Conversely I also prepared for worst case “cancer found, let’s dig in for the grind”.
I heard neither: “Slight growth of a lung nodule that looks benign”.. “weird to see lymphoma in both face parotids and lung”.. could go after nodule with radiation and/or chemo but risks to that. Unfortunately the plan – the next step – is not clear. Have we not heard enough of that lately? So many of my plans for the past 2 years found dead ends.
Five years ago a good friend learned she had cancer the same time as me. A year later she was gone. We are all given different paths to travel, different moccasins to wear – in spite of our plans. It is so easy to become mesmerized by our path, “it’s good”, “it’s bad”. Recently some other friends learned of cancer and have begun that same grind of radiation, chemo, worry, focus on self. “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans”.
I am reminded by “Gracious uncertainty”: knowing that regardless of what is happening around me – good or bad – I am certain of God. Sounds easy, right? Third school Roman Catholic catechism.. Philippians 4:13.. I often say “too blessed to be stressed”, followed by “repeat it until you believe it”, a variation of “fake it until you make it!”.
I spend too much time in the mirror, too long planning my plans, worried about my ailments. “As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises.” Over and over and over again this has proven true in my life. Step back, see who God has placed in your life, do something to make their life better, seek their best interests.
I am convinced as a Christ-follower we are bombarded by this lesson. The Trinity (3 Gods in 1). Jesus’ life while physically here on earth, spent with 12 disciples. The lesson is to be an active part of a community. Seek the best interests of those in that community. Do this and you experience why Paul spoke about Love as the greatest. Do this and you get a glimpse of what heaven – eternity with God and Christ – is.
In six months I will return to my C-Doc, return to wondering about what is growing in my body. Until then I will wake daily reminding myself to focus on the task – the person(s) – God has placed nearest. To seek their best interests. To Love.
“If you want to see God love, share your struggles with a brother/sister”. Humblest of thanks to all who have sought out my best interests by lifting me up in prayer!
…it has not yet been revealed what we shall be…1 John 3:2